Nobody but ME

So I've been thinking. Throughout life we meet a ton of people. Some for a short time. Some for a long time. Some we like. Some we don't. But no matter what, we are all different. We all see life differently. We all handle things differently. Things effect us all differently. 

I say that to say this: being different is okay. I know how I am and I know I'm different then a lot of people. At times that gets me down. I feel like I'm crazy for feeling a certain way or for letting certain things bother me that don't effect other people. But I'm not them; I'm ME. 

I'm a writer so I have no trouble expressing myself in any type of way; good or bad. HOWEVER a lot of people can't handle that. So then I would think "maybe I need to change. Maybe I should stop my feelings. Maybe I should stop expressing them".  But let's get real. If I did any of that, I wouldn't be me!!! And i kind of like being me! :) 

There's also another reason I've grown to become very expressive (I wasn't always like that actually). My grandma called me one day while I was away at college. She was out of town visiting my aunt so it had been awhile since I had seen her.  She called me and I rushed her off the phone because I had to finish a paper that was due. She was sad I could hear it in her voice but I promised to call her back and read her my paper after I got done( she loved hearing what I wrote no matter what it was). I couldn't wait to read it to her and tell her about how much I missed her and couldn't wait to see her when she was gona come home that weekend. So I was rushing through my paper when I get a phone call. My mom told me my grandma passed away. My heart broke. I had so much to tell her. And the last thing she remembered was me being too busy for her an rushing her off the phone. Since that day I've made it a promise to her that I would never be too busy for the people I care about. I also promised myself that I would tell people how I felt no matter what because I couldn't live with her not knowing how happy I was to see her. 

If you died tomorrow, would people you care about know exactly how you feel about them ?  Do you make time for those people you care about ? 

I may take it overboard sometimes but least people know exactly how I feel all the time. That's enough for now. Be easy, stay blessed. 

  -Mz J

The struggle . .

Hey there. Most of you probably don't know what's taking me so long to get my book published. I figured I'd go ahead and fill you in!!! 

The biggest reason is my job. I work a lot and I come home exhausted. When I do have free time I have a thousand and one things to do(you too, right?). Not allowing my job and other aspects of my life become an "excuse", I write on my breaks at work or any time I can ! 

The next reason is technology issues. I first started out writing on my computer. It crashed (of course I have back ups after back ups)! So I got a tablet that I kept in my purse and wrote all the time. Then the writing app on my tablet stopped working. I got a new computer and tried to transfer over my book from my tablet to computer; didn't work. So I jus went old fashioned and kept a notebook in my purse and wrote from there. 

Now the only thing I need to do is type it up and get it to my editor so she can edit it and we can make sure we get it ready for yall to read! 

I must stay, it hasn't been easy, but it's gona be worth it!!! I've got so many book ideas waiting to ce into form I cannot wait to get this ball rolling!!!!!! I thank you all for your support. It means a lot! I will keep you posted on the process!!! 

Be easy, stay blessed. 

   -Mz J 

Sticking together

Hey guys! So I wanted to share with you a challenge a couple friends and I are doing. We have agreed to write for one hour a day, Monday through Friday. Piece of cake huh?? It's not as easy as you may think. Life happens and we all get busy doing other things and before you know it a month goes by and you haven't worked on any writing projects. 

That's why our writing challenge is a good one to have. My friend and I agreed that if we don't write for 5 hours a week then we have to do some sort of chore for the other person. He's a messy guy and I would hate having to clean his room! ;)  Not only that, it's a fun way to keep the motivation flowing! 

This is a lil "contract" we agreed on. This is our first week and we've both been writing so much!!

 If you lack motivation, you could join us too!! Or make a challenge of your own!  As writers, we gota stick together. We gota encourage each other!! 

That's all for now guys. Be easy, stay blessed. 

  -Mz J

It's not that easy.

Hey there. So Im up early enough to do a workout before I head to work today. I was doing real good working out all the time an eating right then I got sick for a few days and lost all my motivation. When I took meds to get better, I feel like it took away my cold and all that motivation I had (he he). Im slowly trying to build my motivation back up. 

I've been "big" all my life. But Im looking at myself in the mirror and I feel disgusting. Im so sick of people telling me "you're huge" "you could stand to lose weight" "you're pretty for a big girl". Like what is the purpose in that? How come I have to be "pretty for a big girl"? Why can't I just be pretty? How is any of that going to motivate me to workout? It only motivates me to be stubborn and try to prove to them that im not effected by what they say. Which results in me not doing anything to change how I look. 

As Im doin workout videos I have had, most (if not all) have woman six packs, or flat stomachs, or are the size of my left thigh. As im doin these workouts im thinking to myself "I'll never look like any of these women". I would be so much more motivated if I seen a "bigger" woman in these videos doing the workouts. Id be like "if she can do it in front of all these skinny heffas, I can too" :) 

Social media doesn't help with weight loss either. You see people bashing "bigger" men and women all the time. Where is the support? Why can't we put in as much energy as we do to tear people down to build them up? Encourage them? 

My Instagram if full of fitness people. I thought "hey if I follow fitness people it'll motivate me to workout and eat right". But let's be honest, it doesn't. Only because im like three times the size of these chicks I see and half the food recipes they put up the food looks nasty (im a picky eater which is another part of my problem). Also I hate the "day 1, day 30" pics they do from their workout plan Bcuz in day one they have a flat stomach but by day 30 it's more toned. I want to see a "bigger" person having lost some weight. A "bigger" person showing me they were big like me and busted their ass and lost weight. Then I would be moviated. Im clearly following the wrong people on Instagram (I'll fix that and tell you if it changes my weight loss journey).

I've also noticed (this may jus be me) but talking about your weight loss issues, goals, desires with someone who supports you completely helps. My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful the way I am but he sees how unhappy I am with how I look. He told me he will help. Told me he will work me but I have to be willing to bust my ass. All my friends tell me im beautiful and not "huge" like I feel. Let's be honest, I need a positive push to get back at it. Having a workout buddy helps too. My man lives outa town so we won't be able to workout together all the time(he's gona make sure I workout on my own) but soon as my best friend has her baby and can, she's gona be my workout buddy!! My weight isn't effecting my health (yet), but it wouldn't hurt me to shed a few pounds to become healthier to prevent anything from becoming a serious issue. 

I feel like losing weight will help me love me more. Doing this for myself and nobody else will make the end result that much sweeter. Im gona take my time. Im gona do what works for me. I will keep you guys posted and I hope I can inspire someone (even if it's only one person) to take control of their life, to fall in love with themselves again. Be easy, stay blessed. 

  -Mz J. 

A choice to LOVE.

Good mornin all!! Im up early this mornin with something I want to share. I want to share it because it's something I've experienced and dealt with my entire life. I know some of you have too! This post may be a bit long so get comfy! ;)

As you've all been told, I love kids. I blame my mother. Not because I have many brothers and sisters( I only have 2 and grew up an only child until 12), but because my mom used to do daycare out of our home. With that being said, any child I come in contact with (ones that I see all the time not the ones that smile at me while I'm workin, im no creeper), I love them like they are my own. I just have a really big heart :)

I also give credit to my dad (who Is my stepdad but has had the step removed). He came into my life at a young age and loved me. 

Now as I think back on it, I realize how challenging that was for him. Not because my biological father was trying to be an active parent in my life, but because I was trying so hard to figure out why he (biological dad) didn't love me when I should have been loving my "step" dad instead. My "step" dad was hurting because he saw me hurting. I was young and naïve. My biological father didn't care enough to fight for me but everyday my "step" dad was proving to me he was worth calling dad. 

As I got older and was able to see how things really were, I realized my "step" dad was pretty dang amazing. He wasn't even my "real" dad and he loved me! His family loved me. So that means, Im his family and they are my family too! That's when I dropped the "step" and just call him dad. My dad has filled a huge part of my heart that was empty. He's taught me how to love just by loving me. He's my rock. 

I had someone tell me once "...I can't raise or love another mans child." And that hurt me. I don't have kids of my own, but to think that someone would deny a child love because they did not help conceive or birth them is beside me. I just always loved kids so much I didn't even think about not loving someone else's kids because they weren't "mine". And since I grew up with a "step" parent, It was easier for me to accept I suppose. Nobody said it would be easy, but it would be worth it. 

I've wanted to become a mother for YEARS. Yet Im just a fur mom and though that may be slightly similar, it's not the same as being a real mother. When I was younger I always wanted to be a mother by 25. Well I turn 25 this year and by the looks of it, I still won't have had a child( but who knows, I can't tell the future). I've completely left it up to God because He knows when the time is right. And it's not the right time for me to become pregnant and birth a child. Instead He gave me a man who has a little boy who needs the love of a mother in his life. Going into a relationship with someone who has kids is tough. Dealing with getting to know your partner and their family, you also gota add getting to know their child. It's a new experience for me but challenge accepted. :)

I will end on that note for this topic today but Im positive I will have more to say later! Be easy, stay blessed. 

  - Mz J!

Filled with Joy

So yesterday was my best friends baby shower. I love kids so I'm thrilled that she's bringing a stinky bundle of joy into the world. She's having a boy if you guys couldn't tell. :) 

Cannot wait until he's born so I can spoil him so much!!!! 

The next thing im excited for is her maternity photo shoot. Of course Im the one who will be taking those pictures !!!! 

Just telling you all what to look forward too!!! 

Be easy, stay blessed 

  Mz J